I’m sure by now you’ve heard the phrase, F.O.M.O., short for Fear Of Missing Out. “Fear of missing out (FoMO) is a unique term introduced in 2004 to describe a phenomenon observed on social networking sites. FoMO includes two processes; firstly, perception of missing out, followed up with a compulsive behavior to maintain connections.”
I consider myself a pretty content person. I’m happy with my little balcony gardens, my little apartment, and a short three or four day trip now and then. But even I am not immune to F.O.M.O. But recently, as I fell prey to the great fear of missing out, I learned something very important.
F.O.M.O. and jealously
John and I are in our mid-fifties, we’ve raised our children and owned our own business. Recently we sold our family home and started a great and magnificent journey. To where, we don’t know. We’re taking it one year at a time. We have this blog and an associated Amazon storefront – but we are not influencers.
One thing I’ve recently learned is that influencers have a great capacity of creating F.O.M.O. But I question if they’ve considered what responsibility that brings with it. For instance, influencers do not know you. They don’t know your family dynamic, your personal or financial goals, or how you choose to live your life. They simply try to influence you to buy something, change something, do something, or be something. All the while not knowing who you actually are, what you desire to be, or what your long-term goals are. Their job is to create F.O.M.O. And to be truthful, they do a pretty good job of it.
But I question whether it’s really a fear of missing out and a need for connection that lies at the core. Or is it something more insidious, like jealousy. Someone we see online has something and we want it too. They go on a vacation and we want to go too. Their home looks a certain way, and we want ours to look that way, too. It creates a dissatisfaction within us, and I fear F.O.M.O. is simply another way of explaining something more simple; jealousy.
Goals and Dreams…
It’s fun to be part of something, isn’t it? Buy a new thing, go on vacation, wear a new outfit; it’s all very exciting, for the moment. But a lot of those purchases – the new thing, the vacation, the new outfit – they can detract and subtract from long-term goals and dreams.
Recently, I fell prey to this F.O.M.O jealousy. I follower an influencer online who played with a new design aesthetic. I decided to try it out too. At first the new aesthetic was fresh and beautiful, and our home felt lighter and airier for spring and summer. Until one day, about a week into this change, I walked into our home and thought, “Ugh… I don’t really like this! It doesn’t feel like us at all!” Something was off and it felt all wrong. And that’s when I realized, my F.O.M.O. had caused me to lose sight of our personal aesthetic.
I purchased pillows and throws, a few faux florals, a couple of vases and some blue candles. I’m happy to say that what I purchased could either be returned, or saved to use at another location with a different aesthetic. That was a very important lesson for me. The fear of missing out (jealousy) almost caused me to miss out on something far more important; our personal goals.
Vacation aesthetics
Have you ever noticed that when you go on a vacation, the spaces you stay in create their own kind of F.O.M.O.? John and I just took a four-day trip to Las Vegas. We got to stay in the W resort of Mandalay Bay, and I have to admit, it was SWANKY! The desktop and bed were white leather. There were two bathrooms in our suite, and the closets…well… let’s just say that were pretty spectacular as closets go; automatic lighting, provided robes and slippers, the whole works. The bathtub had a waterfall faucet and the body products were top tier. To the outside, it may have looked like we were on a luxury vacation. But what wasn’t obvious, was that John secured that room by cashing in points and travel miles. We certainly didn’t pay the $600.00 per night room fee!
The thing about vacation rentals, whether it’s a resort hotel, a VRBO, or an Airbnb, they have the ability to create F.O.M.O in us. But it’s a different kind of F.O.M.O., I think. There’s a luxury to the space; the empty closets, the simplicity of only have four towels. There is a temporary elevated feeling to our living, and we start to crave something different, fresher, newer in our everyday homes: new bath towels, luxury skin products, trendier lighting, a new duvet…
And that’s where F.O.M.O. starts to take a greater toll.
What are we really missing?
The fear of missing out can cause us to purchase more than what we need – whether that’s clothes, books, home decor, or hobby supplies. We want to feel like we’re part of something, and that jealousy can lead to excess. That excess then starts to accumulate in corners of our homes, on table tops, in closets and on book shelves. Then we buy storage totes to store all the things F.O.M.O. influenced us to buy.
But there’s more to it really. All of those purchases then create anxiety and raised stress levels. Why? Because everything we see calls out to our minds, “Do something with me, fix me, create me, clean me, organize me, hide me, sell me. etc.” Beyond that, there is also this great guilt that comes, “I must keep it because I spent money on it… I paid too much for it to get rid of it…. I can never sell it for what it cost me…”
Then, the time comes when we want to go outside and take a walk, or have a picnic, or go to a community event. But instead, we’re cleaning out the garage, organizing a closet… we’re simply trying to keep up with all the things F.O.M.O. made us buy. Or what’s worse, we lose the desire to live in the space we once loved because of the guilt, the frustration, and the anxiety our belongings have created. The fear of missing out has unintentionally caused us to miss out on something far greater; personal peace.
The real dream…
When John and I sold our home we had accumulated thirty plus years of stuff (plus what belonged to our two children.). We selected carefully what we wanted to keep, even if it meant storing it short term, and the rest we either sold, gave away to friends and relatives, or donated to charity. We took more than 35 full truck and car loads of belongings to charity. And do you know why? Because that stuff was not enough to keep us from missing out on the real dream.
I was recently looking through photos of our old home. Some photos were taken during holidays, some were taken as we prepared to sell the house, some were pictures I took on a Tuesday. As I looked at those photos, I remembered the dining table and chairs we had in our kitchen; I didn’t miss them. The office where I sat and worked; I didn’t miss the desk, or the storage dresser, or the artwork. The basement where we watched movies, the kids played ping-pong, and we hosted sleepovers; I didn’t miss any of that stuff either. There was only one photo that gave me a pang of hesitation; a black vase I’d picked up at a garage sale. It was the only regret I had.
And so now, whenever F.O.M.O. hits, I pause and ask myself, “Is this fill in the blank, worth the sacrifice of the real dream? Is this thing something I’m going to keep long term or will I simply need to donate it when we move again? Will this outfit be something I wear on more than a couple of occasions, or will it go in the charity shop bin? There’s a meme I frequently see that says, “All of this stuff used to be money.” And there’s truth in that. The things we buy are usually temporary fixes for a greater problem. It may be called the fear of missing out, but I believe at the core, it’s simply jealousy.
So while we post links to the products we use and love, or think will benefit you, we do not seek to influence you to purchase them. We want you to choose your futures wisely. Don’t allow the fear of missing out be the reason you miss out on what is more important to you and your family!
xo, Billie
discover more:
- The Inspiration of The Daydream: https://forwardourmail.com/the-inspiration-of-the-day-dream/
