caring for home:
Practice simplicity when downsizing your belongings. “Practice simplicity” is simply put, don’t you think? There are so many emotions, memories, and hopes for the future wrapped up in our belongings. “That dresser belonged to great Aunt Sally.” “We purchased those dishes on our trip to Italy.” “We saved that dining set for your family.”
Our belongings have a way of becoming part of our identity. But that doesn’t mean we have to keep all of them, and it certainly doesn’t mean getting rid of them changes our identity. Downsizing – or rightsizing as it’s now known – is a physically and emotionally freeing task when you practice simplicity.
I have bad news: Your children don’t want your stuff
Let’s be honest, there is a growing wave of millennials and younger people who are embracing the Cottage Core, Grandma Maximalism, and English Country Side trends that are experiencing a re-emergence right now. While there are some vintage pieces that work well with these looks, most of what empty nesters want to pass down, simply isn’t what they’re looking for.
During my daughter’s high school years, we started to replace some of our older furniture pieces. We’d been married over 25 years and most of what we had needed to be refreshed. The items we kept were still in great condition – and were perfect for a young adult just starting out on her own. We kept end tables, a coffee table, night stands, kitchen chairs, book shelves, dishes, cookware, an antique bed frame…the list was long.
A funny thing happened though, when it came time for us to load up the moving truck, she only wanted one end table, one night stand, and two table lamps. Everything else I’d been storing in our basement was just taking up space. It made me curious – so I asked our son, who was four years behind her – if he thought he would want any of it, or if he would rather pick his own things, and purchase starter sets from IKEA. He chose IKEA over heirlooms.
Not a one-time experience
I found this to be so strange. When John and I got married, we had so very little…. We had our bedroom furniture which consisted of a full-sized bed frame, dresser, and chest. His grandparents gave us a dining table with four (all semi-broken) chairs. We purchased a used sofa that had three legs (and we used books to prop up the other end.). Our end tables were moving boxes we put table cloths over, and we had one lamp…a lamp my husband had made in 4H camp. We had so little – and we would have been THRILLED with hand-me-downs.
As I talked with a couple of older ladies we knew (only older by about a decade) they were experiencing the same thing. One woman had saved furniture for years – as in over 20 years – only to find that neither of their sons wanted it. ANY of it. Another lady kept family heirloom pieces (some valuable antiques) from great grand parents, great great aunts, and family pieces she was SURE her sons would want… but alas… neither of them wanted any of it either.
That’s when it occurred to me – our kids don’t want our STUFF. They are embarking on their own lives, they want to be free from our nests, and they don’t want to take our left-overs – or the left overs from their childhood – into their newly emerging adulthood. They would rather forge their own trails, and pave their own ways.
And that is okay! Just like we needed and wanted space to grow, so do they. I’m afraid is us who are holding onto the memories, and wanting to pass along our things for posterity’s sake. It is alright for us to let go, and let them do adulthood in their own way.
Experiences over things
With younger generations buying smaller homes and renting for longer periods of time than our generation did, they don’t have a lot of interest in things. Gosh, I remember renting our first apartment. It was 648 square feet and we filled it up FAST. With JUNK… Then we bought our first house – 1,100 square feet. Then our second house – 1,800 square feet. Then our family home at just under 4,000 square feet. And it was thrilling each time.
We decorated and created rooms to live and to grow in. But as our children grew up and started moving into their own lives, we found those rooms were just rooms of stuff. We didn’t use the theatre room. We didn’t use the game room. I think we only used the dining room when hosting family holidays. We basically lived in our kitchen, breakfast room, living room, bathrooms, and bedroom. We no longer needed all that space.
This generation saw us pay off 20-30 year mortgages, buy furniture to fill spaces, and spend weekends doing home maintenance. They are choosing experiences over things. They value freedom over a lifetime of belongings.
Freedom comes from simplicity
The younger generation has grown up with almost everything at their digital fingertips. They can virtually travel to any destination, read any book, listen to any music – all from their phones. I mean, it’s like carrying a library or a set of Encyclopedia Brittanica in their back pockets. To be honest, I kind of like it too.
But what this means, is they don’t have a need for three sets of book cases. They don’t need a place to store DVDs or BluRay, CDs or home movies. It’s all digital now. They have access to it whenever, and however they want. Keeping items around because they have sentimental value to us doesn’t mean that sentiment will transfer to them.
They have a freedom that comes from a paired back aesthetic. Most don’t spend weekends cleaning out the garage, and they certainly don’t fill their basements with furniture for a future generation. They practice a simpler way of life – and owning less things is a huge part of it.
They live more simply
I recently started cleaning out some things from my own basement. One thing I passed along was a set of china. This china was beautiful. I purchased a five piece service for 8 plus serving pieces at a consignment store – for $25. The entire set. When I got it home, I found scrawled on the box in feeble penmanship, “Good China – Store in Basement.” When I opened the box, I found every piece – EVERY SINGLE PIECE – was still wrapped in original plastic. It had never been used – someone was saving it for special occasion, and I guess they never got around to celebrating.
After using that china for a few months, I, too packed it away and stored it in my basement. Last week I sold that entire set to a co-worker for $25. For her niece who is getting married. She was telling me how they didn’t register for china, and how they might want to have a formal dinner party… and I thought, “They don’t live that way any more.”
Fact is, they’re more likely to have a cook-out or barbecue, pot luck, or picnic style gathering. They would rather spend time around a bonfire, playing corn-hole or pickleball, or investing time in one another – instead of having formal dinners.
Practice simplicity when downsizing
So where does this leave us? We are the ones left with homes filled with furniture, collections, treasures, and trinkets from travels. Where do we begin? How dow we practice simplicity?
There is practice gaining a lot of popularity called, Swedish Death Cleaning. Simply put, you try to give away now the things you’re saving to pass along when you die. Saving grandma’s dresser for little Amanda? Ask Amanda NOW if she wants it? Chances are she’ll say no. If she says no, don’t get your feeling hurt – just pass it on. Donate it. Sell it. Give it away to a Buy Nothing Group… But don’t hold onto it because YOU thought it would be perfect for Amanda.
What practicers of Swedish Death Cleaning say is that it is so freeing to get rid of these things they once held onto – and to allow someone else the freedom to decline the piece. Who wants to be stuck with a piece of furniture or artwork simply because it had sentimental value to someone else?
Ruthless simplicity
I write a lot about downsizing. I have a whole category of articles including checklists, the emotional aspects, and the good things that come when you practice ruthless simplicity when downsizing. It doesn’t have to be a torturous task – or an emotionally grueling one, either. Downsizing can be freeing both physically and emotionally. Living from a place of simplicity rather than chaos is something I think we all relate to.
Our children are choosing experiences over things – why shouldn’t we?
