Welcome back, friend. I want to write you a little parable today about the good and bad guests. I have experienced good guests, and not so good guests in my own home. And as we approach the Thanksgiving holiday, I thought I’d share with you my thoughts on how to a good guest.
Travel makes us tired. Children get bored. The bed is strange. We feel out-of-control of our surroundings. There are a lot of factors that can play into us potentially not behaving as our best selves, and not being a good guest. But, when we stop and think about the reason we are all together in the first place, maybe we can put the little inconveniences behind us and focus on what’s really important.
The Amazing Meatballs and The Bad Guest
My father passed away unexpectedly a few years ago. I knew there would be guests in and out of our home for several days leading up to his funeral. I would need to provide places for them to sleep, shower, and prepare for gatherings. Likewise, I would need to prepare meals that could feed a small crowd.
That was also the week both my refrigerator and my oven called it quits. So in the midst of grief, and a house full of guests, I had to shop for appliances, store food in a cooler, and arrange for deliver and installation. The refrigerator and range arrived in a couple of days and I was able to hit the grocery to stock up on fresh ingredients.
I contacted a neighbor with a phenomenal recipe for homemade, authentic, spaghetti sauce and meatballs. It’s a secret family recipe passed down through generations by her father’s Italian family. She graciously shared it with me – and while the recipe was simple, it made approximately 65 meatballs and a literal VAT of sauce. It took me over an hour to form all those meatballs. I was thankful because I had a lot of mouths to feed.
While gathered around the dining table, one guest mentioned how amazing the meal was, and another literally shrugged shoulders and said, “Mmmm. They’re okay. I’ve had better.” I’d like to say this was grief, or exhaustion, but unfortunately, it was normal behavior for this person.
While the story above was shocking to me at the time: How dare someone be so rude to me in my own home? It did serve as a lifelong lesson about being a good guest that I take with me everywhere I go.
The Mediocre Hot Dogs and The Good Guest
Rewind a few more years. John and I had only been married fourteen years and were part of a small group at our church. The hosts were a married couple set on encouraging and mentoring younger marrieds. So many of the women in the group were seminary wives living in seminary apartments that measured less than 800 square feet. Their finances were limited, their space was limited, but their hearts were FULL. They had a great desire to practice hospitality.
While the mentors of our group were an established couple with a healthy income, they did not make anyone feel as if their efforts were unappreciated. One young couple had invited a small group to their apartment for dinner, and invited the group leaders as well. The young wife pulled the leader wife off to the side and said to her, “Please don’t feel obligated to come. We don’t have enough room to seat everyone around the table, and we’re just having hot dogs and chips.”
The leader wife replied with the greatest kindness. She simply said, “We are honored to be invited into your home. You can serve us hot dogs or peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and we will never complain. You are practicing hospitality, and that is a great blessing and a great privilege to be included.”
The story above was heart warming to me, and to be honest, not something I had experienced first hand before. Like the story of the bad guest, it also stands out as a lifelong lesson I take with me.
The Good and Bad Guests
I supposed I don’t need to explain to you which guest was the better behaved, and which needed a lesson in manners. In addition, I’m certain I don’t need to give you a lesson in manners, either. I believe most of us know what is acceptable behavior, and what is unacceptable behavior.
But as a gentle reminder if you’re traveling this holiday season, keep in mind a few things that may help you be the best guest you can be.
1. If you can’t say something nice:
All of us have likes and dislikes. If something is offered to you that is on your dislike list, please just graciously decline with a no thank you. You can even add to it, “Maybe in a few minutes…”
2. Be thankful for the hospitality:
Hosting is hard work, even for the well-seasoned host or hostess. Be sure to say thank you for any effort, whether that’s preparing a cot or palette on the floor, or cooking a full-blown feast. Be thankful – if not for the accommodations, simply for the experience of being included.
3. Having the last word:
Large gathering occasions can bring with them conversations of varied topics. Now that I think of it, they can bring up multiple conversations at once. Be sure to practice listening as well as speaking. Don’t talk over other people’s conversations, don’t interrupt, don’t insist on being the center of attention, and don’t feel like you must have the last word. As one author once said, “Having the last word doesn’t make you right…it just makes you last.”
4. Be respectful:
This one can be difficult when our ideals or morals are challenged. Emotions can flair and before we know it, something disrespectful can emerge. Speaking disrespectfully to others ruins the day for everyone. It makes others in attendance feel uncomfortable. We don’t want to be the cause for anyone having a bad time. Remember to speak respectfully to others – even if they are not! Again, having the last word only makes you last.
Decide Beforehand How To Handle Situations Gracefully
As the holidays inch closer and closer, stress levels can inch higher and higher. Arriving at your destination with your emotions in tact and your heart ready to embrace loved ones depends on how you approach varied situations. Setting your mind on being a good guest, whether for a few days or a few hours, can help you be prepared and stay in control of yourself. Remember the four gentle reminders above and you’ll be well on your way to being a good guest, leaving without remorse, and enjoying a peaceful holiday season.
Additional Resources:
35 Invisible Etiquette Rules Southerners Follow Every Day
Thanksgiving Host / Hostess Gift Guide
Remember, no matter where the road takes you, be kind, be respectful, be thankful…and don’t forget to forward your mail.
John and Billie
